| WOMEN'S ENGLISH |
| What They Say | What They Mean |
| Yes | No |
| No | Yes |
| Maybe | No |
| I'm sorry | You'll be sorry |
| We need | I want |
| It's your decision | The correct decision should be obvious by now |
| Do what you want | You'll pay for this later |
| We need to talk | I need to complain |
| Sure go ahead | I don't want you to |
| I'm not upset | Of course I'm upset, you moron! |
| You're so manly | You need a shave and you sweat a lot |
| Be romantic, turn out the lights | I have flabby thighs |
| This kitchen is so inconvenient | I want a new house |
| I want new curtains | and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper |
| I heard a noise | I noticed you were almost asleep |
| Do you love me? | I'm going to ask for something expensive |
| How much do you love me? | I did something today you're going to hate |
| I'll be ready in a minute | Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV |
| You have to learn to communicate | Just agree with me |
| Are you listening to me?!? | Too late, you're dead |
| MEN'S ENGLISH |
| What They Say | What They Mean |
| I'm hungry | I'm hungry |
| I'm sleepy | I'm sleepy |
| I'm tired | I'm tired |
| Do you want to go to a movie? | I'd eventually like to have sex with you |
| Can I take you out to dinner? | I'd eventually like to have sex with you |
| Can I call you sometime? | I'd eventually like to have sex with you |
| May I have this dance? | I'd eventually like to have sex with you |
| Nice dress! | Nice cleavage! |
| You look tense, let me give you a massage | I want to fondle you |
| What's wrong? | What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it now? |
| I'm bored | Do you want to have sex? |
| I love you | Let's have sex now! |
| I love you, too | Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex? |
| Yes, I like the way you cut your hair | I liked it better before |
| Let's talk | I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe we can have sex? |
| Will you marry me? | I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others |
| I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together | I'm gay |
