|Written by an Episcopalian Priest in Georgia
As I was making my daily journey to the Post Office
the other day, I patiently waited for a car to vacate
a parking space near the door. As the rear of the
vehicle came toward me, I noticed a bumper sticker
that read, in big, bold letters, "THANK ME. I VOTED
CLINTON-GORE." Of course, the bumper sticker was
printed in response to an earlier sticker that adorned
some automobiles some six years ago. Back then, as
Presidents Bill and Hillary were attempting to
nationalize health care and play havoc with the
discipline and fiber of the military, "Don't Blame
Me. I Voted For Bush" was the message on many bumpers.
Hence, the "Thank Me..." message came in response.
Pondering the message of the brave, stubborn soul in
the car ahead of me, I considered all the things I
could be thankful for as a result of the Clinton-Gore
regime. Indeed, I discovered the list was long and
varied. So, it is to that fellow who has not yet
discovered a razor blade and Goo-Be-Gone, I offer a
hearty "Thank you!"
Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers,
Paula Jones, Monica Lewinski and about two dozen other
names that we might not have met and known otherwise.
Thank you for allowing a war hero and the author of
one of the most successful military campaigns in
military history to leave the presidency. Because, no
matter how successful he was, we, in all our moral
outrage, just wouldn't tolerate someone who would lie
to the American people by promising "no new taxes" and
then going back on his word. We certainly can't have a
liar in the White House, now can we?
Thank you for showing all the men and women in America
that sexual harassment in the work place, and on the
job, is okay as long as it involves powerful
middle-age executives and the young women half their
age under their power. It is, after all, a "private
Thank you for revealing that the agenda of the
National Organization of Women only includes some
women. Women like Anita Hill, and not women like Paula
Jones, Monica Lewinski, et. al.
Thank you for allowing us to come to the realization
that "sexual relations" is not clearly defined after
all. And all these years, I thought that "oral sex"
really had something to do with sex! Imagine! Or is it
"Oral Sex" when you talk about it. .?
Thank you for giving us a president who discusses his
choice of underwear with teenagers. We always wondered
if presidents wore boxers or briefs.
Thank you for installing a man who reminds us of those
good old days of pot smoking (without inhaling, of
course) and war protesting.
Thank you for showing us that the ridiculous plot of
the movie, "Wag the Dog," could really be plausible
Thank you for re-introducing the concept of
"impeachment" to a new generation that missed the
discussion surrounding it the last time it
was brought up.
Thank you for curing me of my addiction to the evening
Thank you for reminding us that the government that
gave us the Internal Revenue Service and welfare, also
lusts for control of the greatest health care system
in the world.
Thank you for reminding us that the FBI, who has a
file on millions of Americans, including myself, can
give those files to people powerful enough to demand
Thank you for reminding us that, when all is said and
done, character really, really does matter.
Thank you for making Dan Quayle look like the Rhodes
Thank you for making Jimmy Carter look competent.
Thank you for making Gerald Ford look graceful.
Thank you for making Richard Nixon look honest.
Thank you for making Lyndon Johnson look truthful.
Thank you for making John Kennedy look moral.
Thank you for reminding us of the importance of term
And really, thank you not once, but twice! Why, if not
for you, instead of the current, interesting
discussion all over the television networks and
newspapers, we would be focused on a whole slew of
trivial matters such as giving secrets to China in
exchange for campaign contributions, global defense,
the economy, nukes in North Korea,genocide in Africa &
Kosovo, the containment of terrorism, and all those
other boring topics.
So, thank you, thank you, thank you! Since Bill
Clinton took office, here are some of the good things
that have happened:
- 72 House and Senate witnesses have pleaded the Fifth
- 17 witnesses have fled the country to avoid
- 19 foreign witnesses have refused to be interviewed by
US investigative bodies.
- 19 charges from Whitewater investigations.
- 4 convictions from Whitewater investigations.
- 8 imprisonments from Whitewater investigations.
- 55 total charges in all Clinton scandals.
- 32 total convictions (so far) in all Clinton scandals.
- 14 total imprisonments (so far) in all Clinton
- 938 overnight stays at the White House for Clinton
- $48 million - cost of Starr's 2 Year investigation.
- $49 million - cost of Clinton's 10 day trip to China.
Yes, it's been an interesting near seven full years
for "the most ethical administration in the history of
the Republic." But then..., everybody knows it's all
the fault of the "vast right-wing conspiracy."