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"If you don't know where you're going, any bus will do"
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1904
25 Signs That You've Had Too Much Of The 90's
30 Politically Correct Ways To Discuss Someone's Mental Shortcomings
30 Years Difference
Alcohol Warnings
All About Dogs
Automated Call Directing
Basic Truths
Black Testicles
Carlinisms
Celebrity One-Liners
CEO
Did You Know?
Do You Remember?
First Day On The Job
Food Facts
Fun Reflections On Life
Hell Freezes
Hollywood Squares
Investing Key Words
IT Support
Job Interview
Language Quirks
Lent
Life Is Like A Dog
Little Known Facts
Maintaining a Healthy Level of Insanity
Management Lesson
Musings
My Bottle Rocket
New Dictionary Words
New Words for the Next Century
Newspaper Headlines
Oath Of Enlistment
O'Malley
Other Rules Of Life
Pet Diaries
Poor Grandpa
Potty Training
Purina Diet
Quick Thinker
Sayings That Should Be On Buttons
Senior Moments
Serenity
Sex in the Shower
Shake It Off
Shopping
Signs
Small World
Smarter Than Most
Sums
Survivor Show - Texas Style
Ten Cents A Drink
Thank You Letter
The Cat Years
The Christmas Dolly
The Lawyer and The Farmer
The Old Poodle
The Old Rancher
The Value of a Good Drink
The Watch
Things I've Learned From My Children
Things That Make You Go "Hmmm"
Things You Didn't Know
Thoughts For The Day
Useless Information
Watch What You Eat
We Made It!
What Really Happened To The Kursk
Why We REALLY Gain Weight
Words To Live By
Wrong Email Address
You Know You Work For The Government When…
You Know You're In California When…
Maintaining a Healthy Level of Insanity
  1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
  2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
  3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if he or she wants fries with that.
  4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."
  5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once people have gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Smuggling Diamonds."
  7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
  8. Don't use any punctuation
  9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  10. Order a diet water with a serious face whenever you go out to eat.
  11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."
  12. Sing along at the opera.
  13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
  14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
  15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
  16. Have your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
  17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"
  18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
  19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
  20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity: Send this to someone to make her/him smile! Growing older is mandatory, growing up is optional, and laughing at yourself is therapeutic!